So I am in the middle of reading all my old journals from high school and college. Oh so vomit-inducing. I literally want to punch my 16-year-old self and kick her in the rear. All the boys. All the play-by-plays. All the idiocy of obsession. Some I'd forgotten about. Some I'd tried to forget. It is all a heinous teenage soap opera. It tromps Twilight all over the place. But I also can't stop. Reading, that is. I have a vested interest. Mainly because the star is me. An adolescent me. And I want to beat up adolescent me, but I also secretly love her and am rooting for her at the same time. It's complicated.
Most entries start out with things like, "I can't believe it!" or "This has been the worst day ever" or "I'm at the Cadek Conservatory." (A school of music where I took piano and voice lessons after school). I must have been there a lot when I did my journal-writing. Maybe it was all the Italian arias, Beethoven and Mozart in the background that inspired drama of ridiculous proportions in my naivety.
But aside from all the humiliation I am feeling as I re-read this dither of crap, I feel a lot of anger. At my best friends for having let this all happen, oftentimes encouraging me, and allowing me to be so silly and ridiculous. Thanks a lot, guys. You know who you are!
8 comments:
I couldn't stop laughing reading this because I have done the same thing... I was horrified and utterly embarrassed by my journal. I do recall some of those moments! Like C.L. ha ha ha or the time we all got arrested!!! J/k! maybe...or the car accident...my parents still don't know... Can we please read some entries when we all come in March?!!!
Girl, I have notes and journals too from High School. Kudos from you for pulling them all out....I don't know if I could bear to read mine! haha. All the "love notes" from boys...the heartbreaks and how the "world is coming to an end because we are no longer "going out". Sheesh! I still remember riding the bus home with you and "that guy" who proceeded to kiss me in your front yard, sticking his tongue in my mouth, which led me to run into your house and dump toothpaste in my mouth in your bathroom...do you remember that? I was so upset ya'll left me outside alone with him! haha. Oh memories! I love you and miss you so much, girl! :)
What "arrested" and what "accident?"
Uh, I don't know what you are talking about. I plead the 5th. My husband's an attorney. I have the right to remain silent.
Wait a minute...I have journels too as well as a spiral notebook I found at my parents house containing a play by play account of our 8th grade year. I'm not the only one guilty omission and I've got proof.
stacy, oh. we are reading them!! i told dana she just might keel over and die over what i recorded about her.
jenn, yes i remember "that guy"! he just added me on facebook. i remember distinctly the look of horror on your face when you finally walked back in. i think you must have thought you were going to get herpes or something. hahaha. i miss you sooooo much!!!
mom, don't worry about it. it was a long time ago.
meliss, so help me. that 8th grade notebook needs to be BURNED!!!
do we need to bring up again that POSTER you girls made?? dark hair... blue eyes... etc. etc. dream guy.
those poofy hair days and too-big, free t-shirts from girls camp and other extracurricular activities and lots of getting groundedness...
the WORST part about all of you older girls' embarrassing pasts?? ... is that you alllll had little sisters who were copying you... yikes. the imitation version can only be worse.
oh, i am impressed you even wrote so much when you were an adolescent. i think i am to embarrassed to read my own journal, i know it will be silly and i'll sound stupid and juvenile!!!
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