I snapped these photos a few months ago. And now I can't stop looking at them. They are dearer to me than ever now.
I hope Amanda and Josh will forgive me for what I am about to share.
Tyson is not the first baby they have lost. They also lost their second child, Andrew, when he was three months old from SIDS. He passed away two-and-a-half years ago in July 2007. Losing one child is hard enough. To lose a second child is nearly unbearable. And because I love them and care for them, their overwhelming grief becomes my own. It pierces my own heart and I bleed with them.
Yesterday late afternoon, I went to their home. When the door opened, I noted the faint smell of clean laundry and the hum of a dryer going. The mood was quiet and subdued. But the moment I stepped over their rough, brown doormat, I was overcome by the presence of the Spirit. It was more than a feeling. It was as if it blanketed the air and thickly snuggled you in when you entered and breathed, spreading warmth. Palpable warmth and the love of God straight to your center. I didn't want to leave.
When I mentioned this to Amanda later, she said it was the outpouring of love, faith and prayers on their behalf. That this is exactly how it was when Andrew died. And I haven't been able to shake the wonder of the experience. It stayed with me all through the night and has not left me today. I always knew Heavenly Father loved His children. I always knew He comforted them when they looked to Him for comfort. But I didn't really understand how He bears us up mentally, emotionally and physically until that moment. Or how He answers faith and prayer in behalf of those we love.
Amanda and Josh have incredible strength. I feel so privileged to call them my friends.
6 comments:
i'm trying to figth back tears. i do know how it feels to have that feeling of love filling your home. it literally lifts you when you just feel like you can't go any longer. my heart goes out to them.
I don't really know what to say. I am so sorry for their loss. I couldn't sleep well when Pete told me what happened and I have been thinking about it ever since. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of losing not 1 but 2 of your children. It makes me cry just thinking about it.
I gave a talk the other month on the Temple. The most comforting words came from Richard G Scott in his talk, Temple Worship. He lost 2 of his children as well, both within a 6 week period. After their second child died he said this:
"Later, during the night, I embraced my wife and said to her, “We do not need to worry, because our children were born in the covenant. We have the assurance that we will have them with us in the future. Now we have a reason to live extremely well. We have a son and a daughter who have qualified to go to the celestial kingdom because they died before the age of eight.” That knowledge has given us great comfort. We rejoice in the knowledge that all seven of our children are sealed to us for time and all eternity."
Please tell your friends I am so sorry. I know we've never met, but they have been in my thoughts and in my prayers.
Love you Noelle. Please give your kids a big hug and kiss from auntie kauti. I miss you guys lots :)
Oh, Noelle. My heart just aches for you and especially for your friends. I can't even imagine. How grateful we all are for the knowledge of the gospel.
laura - i know you know. especially with all your heartache of the past year.
kauti - thanks so much for sharing that quote. i was trying to look for it, because i'd remembered that elder scott and his wife had lost two children. i will definitely pass it on to them. i love you so much.
gayle - you are right. i can't imagine how any of us would function without a knowledge of the gospel and eternal families.
i am so glad you shared this experience with me. it calmed the anger and pain in my heart and literally filled it with peace.
I had to read that a few times... love it. Love you, love them, just a lot of love these days.
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