grief

I read once that grief is an emotion experienced as a result of change in one's daily routine, norm and/or general circumstances. It can be triggered by anything such as a move, a death of a loved one, a death of an animal, a change in routine, divorce, or even marriage. Anything that causes the circumstances around you to change.

Today I was feeling a bit of grief. And it's very silly. So silly, in fact, that I am embarrassed to write about it, but journaling our thoughts is therapeutic. So here it is: I am somber today, because we had lots of changes in Primary callings.

Changes in Primary callings. That's it. That's all. And I should just die of humiliation right now.

To my friends who are not members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: "callings" are essentially responsibilities within the organization of the Church assigned to different members of a congregation. All callings are performed voluntarily and without pay, including our clergymen who preside over a congregation. Everyone works and serves together, giving of their time, efforts and resources to help each congregation (or ward) operate and run. We have different organizations for the men, the women, the youth and the children. And anyone may be called to teach, lead or assist within an organization.

Currently I serve as Primary president. I am responsible for the children in our ward ages 18 months to 11 years old. Though Sundays never feel restful, I do love my calling. But I am mostly grateful for those who serve with me as counselors, teachers and music leaders. Everyone is important. I need them all for Primary to run smoothly. And I love them. I do. How could I not?

So when we had to release some of them today, allowing them to serve in other callings in other organizations, it physically hurt me to let them go. I teared up as their names were called from the pulpit and as we were asked to give them a vote of thanks for the service rendered. Then it got progressively worse as the afternoon wore on. Especially when others took note of my sad countenance and said, "Are you okay?" That's the worst, non? I'm embarrassed at how emotional I was getting, but sometimes when you feel so much gratitude for the service others have rendered on your behalf, it is hard to contain the overflow.

So there you have it. No one moved. No one died. And no one even got married. There was just a change in our Sunday routine, and it made me sad.

I also may be coming up on that time of the month that makes women do crazy things like sob uncontrollably during Sacrament meeting. I'm sure the people around me were desperately sending telepathic messages for me to get it together. All in vain, of course. Let the grieving woman be.

p.s. B starts 1st grade tomorrow. More grieving inevitable.