hormones, hormones, go away

Last night, I was sad. Hormones are a beast. But pregnancy hormones are borderline Medusa. And last night wasn't particularly awful in any pronounced way, but I guess I was tired and exhausted enough to let small things bother me. Like rude people. Rude people normally don't bother me that much, because well, they just don't - unless I'm nearing 9 months of pregnancy, I guess.

Last night, I took the kids with me to the grocery store at about 5:30. I needed to develop some pictures at Costco, and I figured I could grab something lacking any kind of nutritional value from Wendy's for the kids while we waited. When I walked up to the Wendy's register with my ginormous belly and three kids, the two employees at the register looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Then as I was ordering, the girl didn't understand something I said and rolled her eyes again. I was amazed at her audacity. By this time, I could feel my face flush and I felt flustered with M at my legs yelling to be held up so she could "see." When the girl put my order in wrong, I had to correct her, and she and the man at the counter exchanged exasperated looks. The man angrily and pointedly removed the items I hadn't ordered from the tray. Why are they being so mean? I thought. By this point, I could feel the tears welling up, and I just wanted to finish the order and be done. B grabbed our tray and found us a table. I sat down feeling humiliated.

But when we sat down, I realized that in my huff to hurry and finish, I'd forgotten to order drinks and the kids were thirsty. I was too humiliated to go back up there and order drinks, so I asked B to go get one drink for everyone to share. He came back to tell me the cup would be 12 pesos and was that okay? I said it was fine and started counting out the change when a man, who had been standing at the register when B was trying to order a drink, walked over to give us an extra cup and straw that he said was a part of his order but didn't need. I don't know if that was true or if he had just gotten the extra cup for us, but his gesture was so kind and unexpected that I could feel myself tearing up again - this time out of gratitude. I was so grateful for his thoughtfulness, and I am sure the relief on my face was obvious. "Muchissimas gracias!" I said. "Que amable!" And he just smiled and said, "De que."

When we went to Costco to pick up the pictures and as I stood in line at the register, a woman with her teenage daughter came in and the woman pushed her daughter in front of me in the line. It was so rude and obvious again, I couldn't believe it. I glared at the lady and her daughter but she averted her eyes and pushed her daughter again in front of me. Way to teach your daughter, lady, I thought. And I was so tired by now, that I just didn't have the heart anymore to care or say anything. But kindly enough, the Costco employee behind the register had noticed me standing there first and made a point to look around the lady and ask for my ticket next instead of the other lady. Again, I was grateful for a kind, thoughtful person to intervene.

By the time I got my kids and all of our groceries home, I was tired and exhausted and just cried. These are incidences that normally would never have bothered me that much, but I suppose I am just tired, exhausted and pregnant enough that on this particular night, it did. But oh, well. Such is life. And if I learned anything last night, it is that people in this world (like me last night) are just sometimes desperate for a kind word, a thoughtful gesture and a smile. It requires an awareness of others that in our busy lives and natural tendencies for self-preoccupation is sometimes difficult to acknowledge.

To pity distress is human; to relieve it is God-like.

I'm going to work on that.