Thursday, January 22, 2009

morning side

I have had a bit of an emotional week. Small, silly mini dramas that have stacked up on my shoulders and culminated in a phone call last night from a good friend in Houston, reminding me of my former, exotic (ha) life. Three weeks out of the month, I wouldn't care. This happened to be the week that mattered.

So while I wouldn't trade our current experiences for the world - horrendous traffic and all - a small, sentimental/hormonal part of me ached for the ease and convenience of American suburbia, old friends and freedom of speech. My spanish is crippling. The good news, though, is that there is a definite pattern to my chaos. See here for evidence. It's nice to know I'm regular. What do irregular people do?

When I woke up this morning, my first instinct was to roll back over and die. But instead, I got up, put on my gym clothes, brushed my teeth and called my visiting teachee to see if I could pay her my monthly visit today. A purely selfish desire to feel peace. Today I needed her more than she needed me.

And maybe M could sense the languor of my mood, but I got lots of animated chatter and hard bear hugs around my neck. Oh M, what will your cycling days bring? A mother can only pray.

Some pics from a subdued morning. Happy discovery? A little Tinkerbell and her fairy friends do wonders for the soul. I'm a believer.

And also, sometimes angels come in baby form.







Darling M, please never grow up.

11 comments:

erin said...

dearest noelle, you are loved. you will be remembered in heaven for your incredible feats of strength in mexico. bless little m's heart... she's got a good soul.

Anonymous said...

she is so cute, can I have her? I'm serious, can i?

And how is your place so clean? I can never post my impromptu pictures of my girl because of the embarrassing background - dirty diapers, dirty socks, cheerios crusted to the floor....

Christi said...

She looks so old in that first picture. Kids are wonderful.

Laura said...

oh noelle, this post is dear to my heart. i'm so feelin' you. i just want to sit in my bed, eat chocolate soup, and cry over chic flicks for days locking everyone out. thank goodness for our sweet angels, who teach us how to love while we are killing them!

Shauna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shauna said...

for some reason i find myself teary eyed..hmmm... maybe it's that song you have playing, or the fact that i know "those" days all too well, OR maybe it's simply that i often wish you were close enough to hug...lay around in sweats with, and skip class with one last time. sweet noelle, miss ya.

Gayle said...

Oh, Noelle -- my heart goes out to you. Hang in there and give sweet little angel M a big hug. (I love her pigtails, by the way!) You inspire me, as always! (And your comment about M's cycling days made me smile -- I have often wondered what we're in for around here when we have 3 teenage girls!)

Garity said...

Call me next time! I'll bring over the ice cream (or nutella) and I'll let you vent till you are your usual chipper self! Your post made me realize that I hope this baby isn't a girl...forgot about the whole cycle thing; dealing with mine AND hers.

Betsy said...

You are missed Noelle! You are such a trooper. Really...you're an inspiration to me and for many others!

These little babies grow way too fast. Something about that 3rd one that is just different. You just want your baby to stay a baby forever.

Melissa Hodgen said...

Sorry to hear that you had a rough week. We miss you here in the states. There's nothing like a mother/daughter relationship. Sometimes you see so much of yourself in them it's scary. Other times you wonder where they came from. Hope "this" week is better for you.

audrey said...

: ) i wish i was there to help you. and to complain to you : ) and to eat m&m's with you. and to press repeat with you. and to workout with you. and to switch baby girls for a moment with you. and to squeeze m too hard. and l. and b. and big b--even though he pretends he doesn't like the gooey stuff, i know he loves me : )

looooooooooooooove you.