Napping with M.
I dream a lot even when I'm not pregnant, and my dreams usually take a Tom Clancy/James Patterson turn. Generally I am on a reconnaissance mission saving the world or out for revenge against the unjust. It seems a little bazaar considering I don't even read those kinds of books or really ever watch those kinds of movies and spend most of my literary time girl-crushing on Jane Austen. One night I dreamed Bruce had died from electrocution while changing the fluorescent light bulbs in some random's house. Of course, I was devastated in my dream, but I was experiencing an incredible adrenaline rush of feelings of revenge on the dirty prick who installed fluorescent lighting in the home in the first place. What idiot installs fluorescent lighting in their living room? I thought. Nobody looks good in fluorescent lighting! I was busy cutting and dying my hair and preparing to go underground with a fake passport as "Geraldine" to find the fugitive culprit when I finally woke up. Don't mess with my subconscious. It's lethal.
What else?
I am able to start small forest fires with my inner thighs.
I've been giving my kids a popsicle (or three) every day to keep 'em quiet.
I have never wanted one of those blue slushies from 7 Eleven so much before in my life. Do they still do those?
My face is breaking out like a 13-year-old teen and I've started putting toothpaste on my zits at night in desperation. Any other bright ideas on how to clear up a complexion?
The unsettling heartburn that normally accompanies later pregnancy has refluxed two months too early.
Sometimes my pubic symphysis really hurts.
I'm tired of peeing two drops every time I feel the urge to rush to the bathroom and I'm not even 5 months along yet.
I wish I lived on a remote Fiji island, so I could wear a silk mu-mu all day, every day, with nothing underneath chafing at my sensitive, itchy, stretching skin. Going commando everywhere just sounds dreamy.
I feel like a useless blob in my parasitic condition, serving the sole purpose of a host body and nothing more.
This baby makes me crave cranberry-grape juice. So I've been drinking lots and lots and lots of cranberry-grape juice. It will be a Halloween miracle if he doesn't come out purple-ish red.
Hey! It's a he and no longer an it. That's nice.
10 comments:
My only advice: milk pregnancy for all it's worth. All the pampering, treats, naps you can conjure up--you deserve!
OH, how I do NOT miss pregnancy!
i'm crackin' up over your dreams! i'm right there with ya. i'm a crazy dreamer normally but the first indication of pregnancy for me are the completely inappropriate, sinful, wake-up-guilty-towards-your-husband kind of dreams. it's terrible. . . somtimes! ;)
Seriously. i miss you. lots. You make me laugh. And, when did M get so BIG?
Sounds like FUN!
Just make one of those construction paper chains counting down the days until your due date and ceremoniously cut one everyday to let your subcon know that you're progressing.
You crack me up! I love having wildly crazy dreams! Hope you make it through... and I say, go comando and rock the mu-mu. It's your fourth kid, who cares about being cute?!!!
seriously...i have dreams like that too. i attribute it to all the thomas harris, james patterson books i read pre-mom life. what was i thinking!?! weird dark times. anyway, congrats on having a boy...it's the easy way out if you ask me. if your M is anything like my M...she'll have enough girl (diva) power for the whole house.
ps. sometimes i wanna crawl inside your writing, and eat it up. i love it. so clever..and witty.. and genuine. so you.
smooches.
ps. i need a good read for the beach. i'm worried that this one i bought "the girl who played with fire" (i think?) may be a little wild. heard anything about it. email me something good. light. girlfriendy. beachy. you know the kind. love me
ps. i leave saturday morning so make it snappy:)
wow. you should've warned me not to read this post if you want me to get pregnant again. i was just starting to forget things...
but you and m look beautiful : )
and remember that crazy dream you had about dani and the pacific ocean or flooding or something and philippino babies floating by?
p.s. m will still wear those napping sacky things to bed?? i always want B to bc it's warm when she goes down but gets chilly in the night, and she kicks off her blankets. but she refuses.
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